The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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