Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
