not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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