He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
