You're so nebulous sometimes
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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