I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
