first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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