Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
