First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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