We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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