I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
