I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i wish my penis had a tongue
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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