Rock
Scissors
Fuck
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
