i may or may not be watching the land before time
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
