YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
