where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
