the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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