tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
