I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
