Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
