you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
