I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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