Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
