Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
