You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
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Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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