Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Couch. On fire.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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