he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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