True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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