Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
