I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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