Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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