do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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