Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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