Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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