So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
