I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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