He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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