Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
there is glitter all over my balls
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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