It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
