I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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