i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
