You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
