Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
