I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
