; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
