I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
