Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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