I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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