we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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