a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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