Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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