Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
