Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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