i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
