Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
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No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
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By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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