i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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