So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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