We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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