did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
