oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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