guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
