i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
