cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
