Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
