and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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