I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
