WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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