didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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