I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
