I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
