Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so let's talk penis.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
