i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
