We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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