When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
