Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
