bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
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We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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